Two-a-days

2nd MTO 'toon...

I hate when the alarm goes off for no reason when I am leaving the store with my purchases and they tell me to go ahead.  Why didn't I steal something?!

Stormy Monday

The first Made-to-order cartoon...

I told my brother that no one would know what an elderberry was but he commissioned me to make the 'toon anyway.  For those who don't know what they are, they are small dark berries that grow in clusters on elder trees.  I gathered by skimming through an FAQ section on elderberries.com, that they can be toxic, but when prepared properly, offer many health benefits.

Droid Does... run out of battery REALLY fast.

MOVIE SONG

(for best results, right click on the link for the song and open in a new window, on Mac, control + click)

Mumford & Sons - Little Lion Man (WARNING: they say the F word)

The scene opens in an army base.  You can see by what's written on the MISSION DETAILS dry erase board that this team will be extracting a prisoner from behind enemy lines.  Most of the members of this eight-man team look like your standard bad-ass special-ops type soldiers except two: One a rookie (Andy), who begged to be included in the mission because the prisoner is his best childhood friend, and the other, a grizzled veteran (Burt) who sits silently in the back of the room engulfed in a cloud of smoke from the cigar he's puffing.  

Covered by the dark of night the squad arrives by boat on enemy soil undetected and splits up into smaller groups, snipers to the hill, artillery around the enemy fortress, and the two outsiders, Burt and Andy make their way in as the guards are distracted by an explosion in the distance.  They get separated inside the dark hallways and Andy starts to panic.  As he approaches the prison area, he sees two watchmen and hides behind a corner, but as he presses himself into the wall, he steps on a pebble which spooks the guards.  They approach the corner with caution and radio in that they are checking on a noise.  He shakily tries to steady his gun to keep it from rattling as the guards approach.  Just as they are turning the corner POW! POW! two shots from Burt's shotgun kill the enemy guards.  The base's alarm sounds.  From this point on Andy follows Burt very closely.  Burt storms through the base killing enemies with his shotgun and trusty hunting knife.  The violence is almost too much for Andy to bear but he pulls himself together when he sees his best friend lying in a cell.  He shoots open the lock and kneels next to his friend.  He realizes that his friend is dead.  Burt enters the cell to check on the situation and as he consoles Andy, is shot in the back of the leg.  He collapses and shoots his attacker.  At this point Andy's expression changes from fear and sadness to anger.  He pops off his friend's dog tags and stands tall for the first time.  He hoists Burt up so he can help him stumble out of the base.  On the way out Andy is shouting and shooting enemy soldiers in a fury.  The final scene is shot from just inside the enemy base as you watch the two soldiers escape into the night.

(Don't bother asking why an unprepared rookie would be sent on such a mission, it's a movie!)

Waiting for the Water-Guy

CAPTION CONTEST...

Think of a caption and submit it in one of three ways:

1. Post it as a comment on this blog

2. E-mail it to me at grtoons@gmail.com

3. Post it on the GRToons.com page on Facebook

People give me ideas for cartoons all the time, and my friends can tell you how much I hate it.  I don't like to accept suggestions for a few reasons.  If the idea is bad, I don't want to hear the stupid idea, and worse, if the idea is good, I won't be able to draw it and feel that it is really mine, and who's to say that I wouldn't have eventually thought of it?  But at long last, I think I may have a solution.  I'm going to start a new, "Put your money where your mouth is..." service, where creative thinkers can commission me to bring their cartoon ideas to life.  For a small fee, ($5-7) I will accept your idea with a plan for how you want it drawn.  I'll draw it for you, put it on the internet with your initials next to mine, and get you a 4x6 glossy of it from Kinkos.  It truly is a win win.  Check it out at http://www.grtoons.com/mto-toons.html

2-0

This cartoon could be the basis for an ill-conceived, and wildly inappropriate Ad campaign like, "Jesus Saves... at Walmart!"

Coaching Analogy:

I planned to make guacamole to go with my lunch of left-over gorditas today, and I was very excited because my mother and I forgot that we even had an avocado in the fridge last night for the first round.  When I went into the vegetable drawer though, I could see that the avocado wasn't ripe.  That's you rookie, the un-ripe avocado.  Now I could smash you up and mix in some spices right now and you might make a fine guacamole, but you're an avocado that can be great if you have patience and wait for your time.  If you stick to it and keep getting ripe, your guacamole could be the main course someday.

Untitled

New Toon...

Could you found a college in the desert, that allows alcohol, yet still call it a dry campus?

Cartoon Character...

Name: Todd

Age: 5

Todd and his twin brother Emanuel are two regular boys trying to navigate their way through this crazy mixed-up world.  Both of their parents work full-time so much of their free time is spent with their uncle Gary, who is also their godfather.  Gary is unemployed so he is happy to be the full-time babysitter for the twins who may or may not be omnipotent.  Catch all the action in the new series, Godchildren.

(based on the old toon...)

Consultant

Tonight will be the first night of my new part-time job as a Post-Move Consultant.  I will be helping out with my old high school basketball team teaching the forwards some new tricks around the basket.  I am very excited to add this new job to my business cards alongside Cartoons, Caricatures, and General Labor.

Why must I press a button to specify that I don't want a car-wash every time I pump gas?

Cartoon Character...

Name: Donald Belasco

Age: 67

Bio: Practicing the art of Karate from a very young age, Don ascended the ranks to become an eighth-degree black-belt, a "Grand Master."  He was always taught to be disciplined and avoid the use of force.  He, in his later years, is disappointed that he was never once compelled to fight and is beginning to grow impatient.  These days he walks around his office with a terrible temper and a short fuse just waiting for someone to cross him, and feel his Frustrated Fury... (working title).

The Grind

The winner of the  best Pringles flavor poll turned out to be Pizza!  I would have guessed that BBQ and Ranch would be battling for the top spot because they are both great, but the people have spoken.  Well, nine people have spoken, including me.  I'm just glad Cheddar Cheese didn't win.

If I were a woman, I would get really fat so I could use those parking spots for expectant mothers.

Writer's Block

-Garrett

TGIF! Right?!

Fresh toon: "Drug Dealer Humor"

I would love to meet the genius at the Pringles factory who decided that one of the top three flavors, that would be placed alongside Original and Sour Cream & Onion in the combo pack, was Cheddar Cheese.  I tried one of these neon orange monstrosities with my bagel sandwich yesterday and almost had to spit it out.  I'm asking in this week's poll what you, the reader, think should be the third member of the combo pack because in terms of the Cheddar Cheese Pringles, once I pop, I can definitely stop.  

Commercial Critique:

That, "Let me see yo ID please, keep it wit you like yo keys," commercial about cigarettes is one of the better songs on the radio right now.

Movie Song:

I think that the song, Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard by Paul Simon would be perfect for a montage of two elderly friends escaping from a retirement home.  Scenes could include them tapping nurses on the opposite shoulder, and sneaking past them as they turn, using their head as a coat rack to hide, and finally in their final dash to freedom, walking out the door pretending to be with a choir group that came to sing to the old folks.  As soon as they get out of the door staff members calmly escort them back in but they are laughing like crazy anyway because they had a great adventure.  It will be a buddy comedy produced by Disney so in the end one of them obviously has to die.

Have a nice weekend!

-Garrett

NFL Season Day: 1

Toon of the day...

Tonight, when the NFL season kicks off, I hope everything goes like it did in my dreams last night.  The Vikings will win the toss and choose to receive (kick-off returned to the 33).  On the first play, the Saints will blitz a safety, who, at top speed will smash into Brett Favre turning his old bones to dust.  Don't get me wrong, I would love to have my fingers broken by a Brett Favre bullet pass in a muddy pick-up game wearing Wrangler Jeans as much as the next guy, but watching his off-season "decision" buzz makes me sick.

Commercial Critique:

Check out this commercial for the new Schick Hydro: click to view video
Now I think these commercials are very cool, but are we to believe that during the first scene, these Karate men practice by cracking each other in the face with wooden poles?!  That guy is extremely lucky that bo staff turned into water when it did!

No work tomorrow so... Bottoms up!
-Garrett

Hello!

My name is Garrett.

I live at home and work as a drug-runner for a pharmacy.  In my spare time I like to draw, play Super Mario Strikers, and work on my post-moves*.  When I grow up I am going to be a Cartoonist!  I have maintained a website at www.grtoons.com that displays my cartoons and caricatures.  This spring I am hoping to make a pilgrimage to New York City where I will try to make it in the creative field.

Until then, I'll just keep cranking out 'toons.

I recently had another idea for a cool blog, and inspired by the movie Julie & Julia, I started work on it today.  This idea will start as a blog, evolve into a podcast, and, with a little luck, become the most listened to radio show in the country.  

I have always been amazed by the power that music has to move people.  In this portion of the blog I will create a detailed movie scene, and choose a song that compliments it.  In the show I will do two scenes myself, an in-studio guest will do another one, and I'll read one more that was submitted through e-mail.  Here is an example...

This scene is from a movie about a young man named… Bob, whose girlfriend breaks up with him. They had been dating for years and he thought they were happy, but she felt that he had no direction in life and she wanted to break it off so they wouldn’t waste any more time with each other.  She breaks up with him on a Wednesday so he has to drag himself to work on Thursday and Friday, completely miserable.  For the next two days he has stubble on his face and his hair is disheveled.  His friends get the news about the break-up when one of them notices on Facebook that Bob’s girlfriend changed her relationship status to, “Single” while his remains set as, “In a relationship.”  Like good friends do, they take him out that Saturday and they get him drunk.

Bob wakes up the next morning on his apartment floor wearing just his boxers and one sock.  He realizes that he is going to be sick and scurries to the bathroom.  He splashes water on his unshaven face and looks at himself in the mirror.  He takes a deep breath, walks into his bedroom, and plops down on his bed.  The sun is shining brightly through the blinds and he has to squint.  Then this song begins to play…Fleetwood Mac - Never Going Back Again

The camera shoots him from the back and you can see how pretty the weather is outside.  He sits up straight on his bed and gives his body a mighty stretch.  He rubs his eyes and his face starts to brighten up just a bit.  He starts to look around his room at the mess from his drunken stumbling the night before.  Clothes strewn about, half eaten five-dollar foot-long, TV repeating the home screen of his Old School DVD.  He presses a towel onto the spot where a near-full bottle of beer tipped over.  He goes through the pockets of the jeans he was wearing the night before to find a melted KIT-KAT, a pile of one-dollar bills and a napkin.  He opens the folded napkin to reveal the name Allison and a phone number.  He smiles to himself and continues to clean up his room. (Ahh, everything is going to be ok.)

So here is what you are in for when you read this blog... Brand new cartoons as I make them, movie scenes and songs that will tug at your heart strings, critiques of commercials that I don't like or that don't make sense, and a couple of passages from my worldview.

Example: In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.  But in this land where most everyone has two eyes, his glass eye is very unsettling. 

*post-move: A maneuver performed at or around the basket in the game of basketball.  See also: dream-shake, up-and-under