Chicken Cacciatore

The Adventures of Richard Garrettson

Chapter 2: The Destruction of Termite City

       After graduation, Richard wasn't ready to jump right back into school.  He decided to work for a year or so before applying to law school so he could save some money.  His friend, Preston, worked for his brother in the summer doing termite treatments to houses.  Preston suggested that Richard work with him for the summer and Richard jumped at the opportunity.  He would get to work outside, he would log around forty hours a week and he got to work with his friend.  

       The process was simple, drill holes at one foot intervals around the house, pump insecticide into the holes, and patch them up.  Richard was the drill man.  Drilling was a harder assignment than pumping, but there was something satisfying about using that big-ass drill to break through the cement.  

       Life was simple; wake up, drill holes, fake laugh at the customer's awful jokes, (They ought-a call this place termite city huh?!) drive around and go home.  Richard was making money and aside from a few busted knuckles caused by the dreaded, "drill backfire," his body was no worse for wear.  

       Then came the Fall.  Business slowed and there weren't enough jobs to keep both guys busy full-time, so Richard received a notice via e-mail.  His manager informed him that he would be switched to part-time, two days a week, and if he wanted to look for new jobs that she would understand.  That was it... the termites had won.

       So he rambled on looking for his next adventure and through it all, he drew more cartoons.

"Spicy Romance" 

by: Cam

I recently went to a Taco Bell to grab a bite to eat. As it had been a

long time since I had been to that fast food establishment, the sauce

greetings were new to me. As I went to grab the first sauce, I noticed
that the sauce was asking me for my hand in marriage. I found myself
telling the sauce that I was already engaged.

After exhausting the first packet on my food, I reached for another
one, which again asked for my hand in marriage. I thought to myself,
"this bitch is assertive", saying again that I was not interested,
given that I was currently taken (I did thank her, saying, "you
flatter me with your persistence"). Finishing the second packet, I
found that I needed at least three more packets to provide thorough
coverage of my meal.

The next one I grabbed asked me if we had met before. "Indeed we have.
In fact you have just asked me to marry you twice." Thinking that my
saucy mistress had significant trouble forming short and long-term
memories, I was pleased that her fancy for me was not short lived, but
rather had some staying power (no doubt due to my stunning good
looks). Beyond that, I was pleased that I had not hastily rushed out
of a perfectly good marriage into one that would have been doomed from
the start given her cognitive impairments and her sole reliance on one-liners.

Growing hungry, I decided to stop loading the sauce onto my meal. As I
ate, I contemplated the strange day, and it slowly dawned on me that I
had made a terrible mistake...I was not interacting with one memory
impaired suitor, but quintuplets (remember that, growing hungry, I had
not yet met the two others who were still in the bag)! I promptly
apologized to the three of the quintuplets with whom I had interacted,
expressing my embarrassment at having made such a mistake. They were
gracious though, saying that they had grown used to it. Quickly
recovering my wits, I said, "indeed I would imagine so, given your
striking phenotypic similarities".

During the awkward silence that ensued, I bid my farewell, telling them
that I needed to get back to work, and they agreed that they should be
going too.

We parted ways amicably enough.

Reflecting on the experience, I realize that the truth is indeed often
stranger than fiction...